April 29, 2020
Hidden Blessings
When someone you love gets taken away too soon, when their existence vanishes in what seems like an instant, replaying memories shared with them becomes a new self-soothing, and yet at times self-destructive pastime. A pastime of trying, in vain, to go back and exist in that fleeting moment. Every laugh, every vacation, every conversation, every moment holds a tiny priceless piece of them within it. Memories that, in grief become more brilliant, more lucid. Memories desperate to be let free, to see the light of day again. Despite the agony of reflecting on the healthy and prosperous life Jon and Megan shared just a few short months ago, Megan has miraculously been able to find many hidden blessings. Specifically the last year of Jon’s life; a family trip to Disneyland they had been putting off for a while, an adult only week away from the kids for their 10-year anniversary- the longest trip spent together since having kids- traveling to Las Vegas then Nashville, attending the Holiday Bowl in San Diego and watching the Hawkeyes defeat USC with Landon at Jon’s side which was Landon’s first Iowa football game. All moments once looked upon fondly now suddenly become shining beacons in the dark, defining blessings.
The Watson family at Disneyland – December 2019
Multiple times in the hospital waiting room Megan would relive the life she shared with Jon, ever-so thankfully counting each blessing. Like how thankful she was that Jon got to take Landon to his first Iowa football game, something Jon looked forward to since first learning he was going to be a dad. Megan also reflected on how much that week away spent together for their anniversary just a few months ago meant to her, enjoying the rare one-on-one time they hadn’t had since the early days of their marriage. Beyond grateful that Jon blessed her with three amazing little boys who will grow up and carry on the Watson name. Each of those fleeting moments in time were cherished, but looking back at them now, knowing all future memories have come to a sudden jolting stop; they hold a much deeper and sacred meaning.
Megan and Jon in Nashville – October 2019
January and February were beyond horrible for Megan. Waking up each morning in the hospital, a hotel, or her own home and opening her eyes to the beginning of another uncontrollable nightmare. Caught in an invisible hurricane of emotions and grief. At the time, it seemed as though nothing could be worse. But as 2020 continues to crudely exhibit, things actually could have been worse...
Megan in a UCLA Medical waiting room.
Stories filling the news recently are hard to hear. Without intention they absorb into your being and pop up in your daily life with no warning. There are so many soul-ripping current headlines, it’s hard to turn a blind eye. Sick, dying COVID-19 patients are facing their ultimate fears, their last moments alone, without family, without friends, without hope. Utterly desolate and in some cases crying out for their loved ones. I guarantee you the family members that accompanied their sick patient into the ER had little to no clue that this would be their last valiant act for their loving family member. That the moment their loved one was urgently whisked away into the capable arms of a first responder, would be the last moment they would share with them. A basic human right of standing by and being there for your loved one’s last breath has been stripped away by this bastard of a disease. Patients, young and old have faced their ultimate fears, suddenly and forcefully pushed off the ledge of the stable, flat surface that had been their lives, and they’re being forced to do it alone. Free falling without a safety net, without a familiar face to guide them as they fall. The rest of the world suffers drip by drip but these patients are trapped in a downpour. An injustice that this pandemic seems all too happy to dole out.
And one that is not lost on Megan.
Once again finding a small but powerful hidden blessing in the nightmare of Jon’s sickness. Aware that, although being at the hospital was tortuous at times, it was also a blessing that she could actually be there for him. Be there WITH him. Navigating the storm together and sheltering his weakened body with her love. “How lucky am I that I got to be there with him?” Megan has stated numerous times, and she was, we all were. Not a single one of us were aware at the time or could have possibly grasped the onslaught ahead for hospitals, ICUs and nurses, specifically the very hospital responsible for keeping Jon alive, UCLA Medical. Oblivious to the looming, raging storm gathering momentum thousands of miles away inescapably inching closer. The ability, the blessing we all received in being there for Jon is something that none of us will ever forget and will always be grateful for.
Jon telling Wyatt (4), Maddox (6), and Landon (7) that he loves them.
In stark contrast to the current hospital landscape, Jon was hardly alone in the hospital. In addition to Megan being there, constantly talking to him stroking his hair and updating him on their boys; friends revolved around him reminiscing about days past, like “that one time Jon drove the wrong way down a one-way road in Portugal”, multiple people stopped by at regular intervals to simply sit and chat or to read to him as he slept in hopes of occupying his mind.
Landon enjoying his first Iowa football game with Jon – December 2019
No, Jon was not alone.
Yes, the worst outcome - and something we all fought tirelessly against - was so undeservedly, so unjustly forcefully thrust upon us. Reluctantly, a wave of devastation and acceptance finally took hold. But how amazingly blessed were we all that at the hour of his death Jon was surrounded by his loved ones? That we each had the opportunity to comfort Jon and explain to him that it was ok to give up the fight, it was okay to finally rest, that it was okay leave. We all graciously received the opportunity to tell him how loved and cherished he was, we all got to say our own personal goodbyes. Jon was lovingly reassured that his boys and his wife would be looked after always. Jon was afforded the ability patients just four weeks later are not; the safety net so tragically absent for so many patients right now facing their ultimate and unfair demise, the dignity, the hidden blessing of a final goodbye.
Jon’s brother Kris Watson saying his final goodbye.
Surrounded and enveloped by those he held dear - his brother, in-laws, best friends, and aunts - Jon rested comfortably in Megan’s arms with an Iowa blanket lovingly draped over his tired body. “Here Comes The Sun” softly drifting from his brother-in-law Zach’s guitar. Jon; tired, weak, clinging to the paper-thin straws of life, finally found freedom in Megan’s loving embrace. Peacefully, Jon left this world not alone, no not even remotely alone, but wholly encompassed by the love and compassion of those he held most dear.
Jon, Megan, Brian and Ally – Nashville October 2019
Looking back on it now through the raw and ruthless filter of the world we find ourselves in today, we all realize and are thankful for that moment, for that blessing of a final goodbye. So many things in this world are out of our control regardless of how hard you fight against their furious storm. Sometimes the worst moments in your life can only be survived by finding the hidden blessings in all the moments that came before it. Sometimes finding a blessing during the most shattered moments in your life might be the only way you get through it in one piece.
Jon and Megan in Las Vegas – October 2019
To all of those affected by the sudden loss of an irreplaceable soul, to the first responders, to the patients and to the families; our love, thoughts, and prayers are with you. We stand by you. We hope to be a reminder that even in the most uncertain of times, each and every moment; each story, each experience where you find it hard to breathe, hard to stand, struggle with the thought of continuing on; there is a brilliant and vibrant blessing in each one of them just waiting to finally be set free.
The Watson family in Mexico – September 2016