FEBRUARY 8, 2020
Saturdays are Sh*t.
Let me preface this update with last Saturday. Megan and I had spent a long, dark, and heavy Friday night in the ICU waiting room. Hopeless glances were exchanged in complete silence. The noisemaker doing little to drown out the foreboding feeling that was, at times, all-consuming. After a bleak Saturday morning update from Jon’s night doctors (no changes, worst-case scenarios, etc.) we visited Jon where the sight of it all, combined with the heaviness she was already carrying literally crumpled Megan. We made it to the lobby before her knees gave out and she basically collapsed into a sobbing heap. But from that lobby floor, she rose up. She was reminded to put one foot in front of the other and take it one breath at a time. Before long we were getting news that the left side of Jon’s heart started pumping again, and surrounded by some of Jon’s closest friends, the day ended on a positive note.
Today feels like a shitty rerun of last Saturday that no one wanted. Last night was spent home with her boys for the first time since this nightmare began. All three boys relished mommy’s presence, watching cartoons and snuggling on the couch. Putting them to bed, each one overjoyed that mommy would still be there in the morning. In the, now seemingly hollow, master bedroom Jon’s over-the-counter cold medicine acted as another reminder of what a total blindside this was. Up with the sun, after snuggling with her boys Megan headed back up to UCLA with her dad and stepmom to make 9AM rounds. Before long we were getting word that a new doctor held court for today’s round and his outlook was not good. Jon’s team has been unable to find the source of the secondary infection, his white blood cell count keeps rising, they don’t see much, if any improvement. Jon’s age is keeping him going but if he were any older this would be a very different story. Once again, Megan found herself on the brink of collapse.
Our little community has fallen into this scary rhythm where we’re all afraid to breathe, afraid to miss a call, afraid that ultimately we aren’t the ones in control. Our daily outlook revolves around these 9AM rounds where things like bedside manner, and cadence can make all the difference in the world or in cases like today, don’t change a damn thing.
Bottom line: Jon is still here, he’s still fighting, this is not over. We’re all going to put one foot in front of the other and take it one breath at a time. We’re on the lobby floor again today, but I’m confident we’ll rise back up.
#EffSTSS
#WatsonNation
#EffSaturdays